Thursday, December 15, 2011

My Son...

Hello to everyone out there in the world. Hope you all are enjoying the closing out of another year. With Christmas right around the corner, I hope those of you on that band wagon have got all your stuff done. As for myself, have a few things to wrap up but should be done no later than the 24th. Yesterday I put up a post going over my feelings on how we are grooming ourselves into a society of simpletons. I won’t go into details but would suggest you check out the post. I can never do anything I write justice after I put it to print. I tend to write when I’m inspired by something or someone, which leads me to my blog for today.
                For those of you that are not too familiar with my family life, I have a son that has ADHD with some other issues wrapped in. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder which means my son has a hard time focusing at times and changing gears to either slow down or keep up with others. Some children that have this disorder will also carry a bit of OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. OCD cause people to have things a certain way, regardless of it being “right or wrong” by society standards. Now take these two items and add in the fact that most children growing up are not very nice and it creates quite a struggle to enjoy growing up. This is unfortunately where my son is right now.
                As a parent, we all want the best for our kids and try to let them make mistakes and learn from them. I believe my job is to be there to help my kids avoid the dangers of life but allow them to make choices that are either good or bad. This way, as they grow into adults, they will know how to manage trouble and adversity as it presents itself. My wife and I have had a difference of opinion on how my son should be raised. My wife feels we should be more hands on and try to get involved with his adversity. I have had hands off approach to how he handles himself socially. My son is not a “dumb” or “slow learning” child and is well aware of his opportunities and ways to handle them. I want him to make use of these tools and become a strong enough person to stand up for him. After the conversation with my wife last night, that has all changed. My son, at age 11, has become so aware of how “different” he is due to the groups of kids that are around him. There are children at school that pick on him because he is in a special program and call him names. My son even explained to my wife that there were kids in the school that were telling him that he is so different that they are surprised he hasn’t thought of suicide. How terrible is that 6th graders are talking to my son about killing himself? When we first moved into this area several years ago, I felt it was the best place to go. From the outside, the area fit all our needs; a young community with plenty of kids, a school system that came high rated, and good housing. After being here and seeing how my son is treated not only by the other kids but by the school system, I have a huge regret. Last night at basketball practice, some of his teammates were calling him retarded and other names which are causing my son to not want to be there any longer. His league takes place where kids aren’t supposed to be judged and should feel free to be who they are despite their faults. Unfortunately, he tends to be singled out, made to be the scape goat on things, and lacks enthusiasm to continue going there. Under no circumstances to I claim him to be an angel or a saint. He can be just like any other boy at his age but he shouldn’t be made to feel like he is an outcast of society.
                It breaks my heart to see him play like nothing bothers him when I know it clearly does. I would love to call these kids and their parents out on the carpet to see how perfect and great their lives really are but what would that prove? How much of a jerk I can be and show my son that stooping down to the level of others is how to solve issues? My choice is to take him and show him what a friend can truly be like. I have made a pledge to myself and my wife that going forward; my son will be the number one focus for me. I can no longer sit back and hope he can manage on his own. If the other children in this town don’t want to see what a great person and trusted friend he can be then it’s their loss. There is no reason any child should be made to feel like they don’t belong.
                Hey world, just so you know, the anti-bully message that is being shoved in everyone’s face isn’t working. My son is proof that unless the message is taken on in the home and not just a message from school, it doesn’t work. I’m dating myself on the comparison here but the anti-bullying campaign is pretty similar to the “Say no to Drugs” campaign. When your message is being spouted out by the talking heads on television and government and not being preached by the parents at home it just doesn’t reach anyone. The war on drugs has been a complete failure and the battle we are taking on now with the anti-bullying will go the same way if we don’t step in now.

1 comment:

  1. You are so wise to reakize that you are key in making your son strong enough to withstand bullying. Where the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind. God bless you and your family and keep you all strong. Some martial arts training might be a good thing too, as it stresses inner strength, character, and self-control.